Some days I just don’t get paid enough

I think I need a pay raise for my mom duties. Normally, they aren’t too out of line, but last night ranked up there with “Things-I’d-Rather-Not-Do-Again”.

I’m upstairs putting away clothes, everyone but John and Liam are in the house. Liam is watching Daddy work on the car. The big kids are helping with laundry, and Maggie is running around like a wild little maniac tossing hangers everywhere. Suddenly, the door slams and I hear Liam wailing. I’m not talking about a little cry, whimper, or sob, an all out wail. Dustin is yelling that he thinks Liam fell down the stairs, or off of the playset. Where is John? How can he not know? I run down the stairs, careful to shut the gate and task Dustin with caring for Maggie.

Liam is hysterical, crying, screaming. I ask repeatedly what is wrong and he is so distraught that I can’t understand him. Did you fall? Did you touch one of Daddy’s tools? Is Daddy hurt? I took him in the bathroom where there was better lighting, so I can inspect him and put him up on the counter. It is at this moment that I notice the smell of poop. Oh. My. God. I look around.

At this point I say, Liam, does your tummy hurt? No, he says, but “my butt exploded”. I put him pantless on the toilet and survey the damage to the bathroom. There is shit splattered on my wall, my plantation blinds, the vanity, a couple of magazines and all of my hand towels. Apparently his tummy had been upset. He ran in to the potty, pulled his pants down and BAM.

Okay, I can deal with this….I think.

Liam is STILL crying. He’s upset, obviously. He is sorry he got shit all over my bathroom. I want to hug him and tell him it is okay, but I don’t really want to touch him. I know, mom of the year. I make him keep sitting on the toilet while I get gloves, pinesol, water and Lysol for the clean up. I clean immediately.

Wrapped in a towel, I carry him upstairs and give him a bath. Poor baby.

Convieniently, John was covered in grease, under his jacked-up (literally) car, fixing some car thing during the whole incident.

That was it. He’s fine. I gave him some meds, but that was really it. I’m guessing that the pound of grapes he ate coupled with 6 apples just didn’t sit well. So much for healthy snacking.

We go i

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