The final follow-up to the Halloween saga

well, I did think it was over, but nope, not quite. I thought a call from the principal would be enough. Apparently I was wrong because the next morning I got this.

You are going overboard with your attitude. Mary Goodson has already taken the game on. I said if you wanted to send in treats that is fine. Donuts are great. What seems to be the problem? I know about Dorothy and her allergies. I EMAILED ONLY TO MAKE SURE I HAD EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL.. I have already talked to Annette and sent her an email yesterday morning.

You have blown this way out of proportion.

Such compassion! I replied…

But you didn’t. The doughnuts were unsafe, you said from the get go that they were unsafe and you knew she couldn’t have them. Do you not understand that just touching something can kill my daughter? Do you know what it is like to watch your child almost die and have epinephrine be the only thing that can save her life and that not be a guarantee? The party is supposed to be 100% safe for her, it was not. I offered solutions not critisism. When you fear sending your child to a party because someone doesn’t understand her disability, talk to me about going over board. Until then, I feel harrassed by your aggressive attitudte towards me. I’m sorry you can’t control the food, this is WHY WE HAVE A 504 PLAN. IT IS A DISABILITY. IT ISN’T ENOUGH TO MAKE HER SOMETHING DIFFERENT IT NEEDS TO BE THE SAME FOR THIS PARTY.

Email my husband in regards to what actually will be served other than the doughnuts. Mr.THEMAN@hisoffice.com

Of course, she ignored my request that she send further communication to John. I’ll take a moment here to say that our school is NOT tree nut free, only Dorothy’s classroom and classroom parties – this is outlined in her 504, school functions do not have to be nut free.

I said that I was getting them from IGA. I have always gotten them from IGA, For the Grandparents Breakfast, for the Dad’s breakfast. I did not know about IGA. That is why I emailed you first RIGHT!!!!

I was checking with you……….

followed by this changed attitude email…again, to me…I never did respond to her.

Tara:

I am done with this. If you want to bring the donuts, please do. Mary Goodson said she would take care of the game, I am reading a storie. If you want to put the craft together for the kids, I can drop the supplies off at your house.

This is a party for the kids and this is absolutely ridiculious. I have never had any problems like this before since I have been involved in these things and I have a 19 year old and I refuse to go through anything like this again. I just emailed you to make sure that Dorothy was going to be able to have a safe party just like everyone else. These conversations got out of control. I am sorry.

Let me know if you want to put the craft together.

I told John she could take her craft and shove it up her ass.

Our principal got more involved and sent this.

It seems as if there are some hurt feelings among the two of you and I want to see if I can help a little. You are both caring mothers that just want the best for your children and the other children in class.

This is where I think we are:
Mrs. Bitch is planning the party in terms of activities, games, etc. We certainly appreciate this.
Mrs. Tara does not wish to plan the party. She just needs to approve the food items. This is something that is written into a special plan developed for her child because of her allergies.

How about this…Bitch please send me a list of the food you are thinking of serving and putting in treat bags (it might help if they are chosen from the list Mrs. Tara provided). Then I will check to make sure that everyone in the class can eat these items.

If donuts are still in the plan, they do need to come from a nut free bakery and Mrs. Tara can pick them up. I see this as the extent of her role in this party.

Perhaps instead of contacting each other, I can be the go between on this matter. My hopes are that we can resolve this as a group before the Winter Party.

I’ll consider that good.

Thank you all for your positive thoughts on this and for your concern about my daughter! I wish she could be surrounded with such wonderful people all the time!

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Party planning update…this is a doozy

Rather than paraphrase, I’ll just include the emails intact.

Room parent:

No the candy does not have tree nuts in it. I will not send a list home because I have everything I need now and the parents gave the party money, they don’t need to be nickeled and dimed to death. I will take care of it.

What about drinks is there something specific that Dorothy can not have?

My response:

Okay. I”m not trying to be a pain here, I promise. Our action plan provides that the snacks be coordinated with me, so that they are appropriate for Dorothy. The classroom is supposed to be tree nut free, and party time really presents additional issues. I have always planned the parties (and I”m definately glad someone else volunteered, though I must have missed the sign-up or I would have volunteered for at least one of them), so food was never an issue.

Parents ALWAYS send extra stuff in, even if they have been asked not to because they want to help, so I will work with Mrs. Wallut to find out how she wants to handle that if the snacks are not okay.

For drinks she is allergic to mango. There aren’t too many things that actually contain it, but some of the Tampico stuff does have it. Fruit punch, capri-suns, Koolaid, apple juice are perfect.

Thanks again.

Her reply…

You know what. I suggest next time you make sure to sign up for these parties. I know there where at least 2 forms that went out and a meeting was held last week. I am sorry that you have missed those but since you have I have signed up for the parties. I am again, not asking for anything and will not. If parents want to send something in that is there choice and it will be noted on my flyer. I know nothing of having to go through you for food issues, I know that I need to follow certain rules and I have. I have contact you, I have asked what Dorothy can and can’t have. Food as never been an issue, I have been asking you to make sure everything is covered. (Just like all of the breakfasts)

This is my party and I will work with Mrs. Wallut what I have planned. If there is something she does not like or something she wants changed I will do that. To many hands in the fire is too confusing for everyone. That is what a headroom parent is for.

Again, if you have problem with this I suggest you make sure you are headroom parent next year.

and finally my response

I shouldn’t have to volunteer to run a party to keep my daughter safe. I volunteered to assist with the party and a packet was sent home from Mrs. Schiffer. I don’t want to plan the party, I was discussing food with you as is outlined in our ADA 504 document, which is a legally binding document. The packet that was sent by the PTO said to talk to the teacher about allergies, which I assume you did. I don’t care how you plan the party, I volunteered to help. I had thought that all help would be welcomed.

Good luck, I hope that your party runs smoothly

At this point, the principal called my back. She assured me that I am not in the wrong here, that this room mom MUST COORDINATE SNACKS AND TREATS with me and that she would call the room mother. She also has spoken to the teacher to let her know to be more assertive, that it is her JOB to keep Dorothy safe and the classroom nut free.